i realize that the point of a blog is write more regularly then what i have been. what intially began as a whim has become a full-blown obsessive life over-haul. see, i'm a bit of an extremist. i tend to be of the "either, or" mentality. i don't particularly love this about myself, but it is what it is.

so basically, i wrote on my first post some general list of things i wanted to work on or vague goals i was loosely setting for myself. one of these talked about being more 'me'. (i would like to add that this can be excruciatingly difficult for me. i don't know anyone who struggles to be genuine like I do). part of this was me allowing myself to purchase a couple of books and to allow myself time to read them. (little did i know, i was setting myself up for the answer to the question of this blog) well, I downloaded four books all over 250 pages. i have read three of them entirely. two of them have completely rocked my world. unintentionally, they're about very similar ideas, presented with different approaches. they're both about self-awareness and projects to better yourself.

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'The Happiness Project: or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun' by Gretchen Rubin is the first book i read. I've picked it up several times and even read snippets out of it, but I've never brought myself to actually purchase it. this was in my top five of books to read, and thus the first one i picked through. It took me the longest to actually read because I was trying to really process what I was reading, not just power through. I'm in the process of re-reading it already to make notes and to formulate my own personal version of 'the happiness project'. google sums the book up nicely: Gretchen Rubin had an epiphany one rainy afternoon in the unlikeliest of places: a city bus. "The days are long, but the years are short," she realized. "Time is passing, and I'm not focusing enough on the things that really matter." In that moment, she decided to dedicate a year to her happiness project.

In this lively and compelling account, Rubin chronicles her adventures during the twelve months she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier. Among other things, she found that novelty and challenge are powerful sources of happiness; that money can help buy happiness, when spent wisely; that outer order contributes to inner calm; and that the very smallest of changes can make the biggest difference.

I really appreciated and was most (pleasantly) surprised by her scientific approach. she pours over research for months before she began her project. she gathered information across all avenues and then broke up the findings into twelve tangible and digestible sections. she chose to focus on one section each month, with the current month building on the previous month. she managed to make intangibles slight more tangible. how do you measure happiness? you can't! but you can keep a resolutions chart! i just really loved her grounded approach.  

I think that really connecting to what it is that defines me -- not just what i choose to display or what i think i should be or what i'm told that i am -- is going to be my key to "success". if i'm meant for something specific then whats the easiest way to ensure i never get there? remain disconnected from my real self, my true heart. if i can't hear myself over the clamor then its impossible to follow to my heart. it's (far past) time to release my potential and to truly embrace the life i have and the life i want. 

the second book that i read was Jen Hatmaker's "Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess". it was exceptionally powerful and requires it's own post, which will be coming soon. 

things are ch-ch-changing...!