born of flesh, destined to become iron...

becky's story, from the Giving Keys

"I picked the word "Iron" for the key, thinking of a line Maya Angelou said at Coretta Scott King's funeral. She described her friend as a woman "born of flesh, and destined to become iron." I liked that she chose iron instead of "diamond" or "stone." All three of these are formed through intense fire or pressure, but only iron can CHANGE. Iron can continually go through fire and pressure and be remade, while still maintaining its strength and without losing substance. Diamond and stone are both strong and can also change their shape, but only by being chipped at away at, worn down, losing itself. It's important to be strong through tough times, but even more important to be adaptable. To be like iron."

Rythyms

I miss the community we were connected to in cincinnati. it's funny because we really weren't very connected. people didn't know our names, we weren't part of a small group, we didn't have friends there unless we happened to bump into someone we already knew. but still it felt like home. it felt peaceful and comfortable. isn't that what the kingdom is supposed to feel like? shouldn't it feel similar and home-like? without fail, every service was hand-crafted for me. down to the minute details, it was about me and my inside-life. but it was also about matthew, individually. and every other person in the room. it was such a beautiful thing. we aren't finding anything remotely similar up here, which is really sad. yes, i understand that it is a unique church with unique leadership but that feeling of comradere should be accessible elsewhere. it's very frustrating to not be able to find it. the Holy Spirit is accessible anywhere. it's actually even promised that He shows up where two or more are gathered in His Name. so why does it seem so unattainable up here? still no answer. though i still have a sneaking suspicion that it's a learning process for matthew and me to figure it out on our own. it's far too easy to depend on someone else's time with God as a prop for our own spiritual life. it's up to us to decide on our path as a family and as individuals, and to put the necessary rythyms in place to achieve those goals. we have to make ourselves accessible to what He has for us so that we're able to receive what He has for us. it's too easy to miss the "good stuff" because so frequently it's hidden just behind the "bad stuff".

my ability to get irritated with a quickness is parallel to none. i mean, it's not like i'm raging or anything. it's just that i'm often surprised at how easily i can become genuinely irritated, usually about the most trivial or nonsensical issues. allow me share some recent examples... my husband's being nicer to me? I'm irritated. i can't make the dinner i was planning on? irritated for hours. my mom asks me to do the dishes? substantial attitude. my son wakes up from his nap while i'm looking up recipes on pinterest? you guessed it, i'm irritated. this penchence for irritation is really starting to...well...irritate me. these situations shouldn't be interruptions, they're what i'm basing my life around. i adore my husband, and have no idea why him taking concentrated effort to be intentionally considerate grates on me. my son is my world, and i'm making dinner for him. why on earth would it bug me when he wakes up 20 minutes before i planned on? good grief.

i'm taking these strides to pursue intention and to be happier but i'm finding myself and others far more annoying then i did previously. what is going on?! i feel like the more i pursue change, the more i need to change. this is not my proudest moment...

goal update sidenote: we start body key tomorrow and i started my new job as a massage therapist today! cheers to checking stuff off the list!